High School: If He Only knew

By, Madison C. (Senior)

If he only knew how much he meant to me, he would realize the impact he has. The way he talks keeps me open-minded. His kind and gentle words soothe me when I’m stressed. When he tells me that I make things more complicated than it has to be, I realize that he’s right and I put too much pressure on myself than I need to. His caring and protective side for his family and friends makes me realize what friends and family truly are, and that there is a fine line between the two, if any line at all. When he tells me personal information, I file it away in my mind and lock it in a safe, ensuring it will stay protected and never be lost. When I hear his designated ringtone chime, I simply smile, no matter where I am or whom I’m with. When he tells me of his past, I no longer feel alone and my baggage feels lighter. If he only knew how hard it is for me to open up to people and how I have shared more with him than I have shared with even my best of friends. Or if he knew how hard it is to trust people and I already trust him with my life. If he knew that a blissful and peaceful light shines within me with the sheer thought of him.

If he only knew, that in all of this joy, comes great discomfort and doubt. That with all these feelings I have, I am confused. Confused on how he feels, doubtful of his feelings for me, and terrified that all my feelings are one-sided. If only he knew how much I mentally kick myself for having these feelings when we haven’t talked in a while and then mentally applying ice to the bruises when he texts, like there was never a time lapse. Most of all, I am terrified that I am reading too much into the situation.

If he only knew that I am happy with the friendship that we have, that I am the luckiest person alive to have met him and have had the pleasure of knowing him. If he only realized how special he is and how he affects those around him with just a word. If he only knew that who he is and his personality are now the standard to which people hold everyone else to or that he’s the star in someone’s dreams late at night.

If he knew these things, I might die from embarrassment and an overdose of blushing. That’s alright though, because I’ll have died knowing that he knows just how truly amazing and wonderful he is. He would realize that he is often taken for granted and that he deserves better. Hopefully, he would realize that his presence is priceless. If he only knew how truly loved he is.

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